Oh, it takes a fool to remain sane.

[ 1st day school outfit ]

Heyyyy hi folks. I did want to post something meaningful today but school has officially begun and this means that i've wasted every single bit of energy and concentration in an effort not to go mental. I went to bed very late, trying to catch the main points of one of the many books i should have read this summer but haven't [ which is stupid since i discovered it's a very fine book..scary, since it is only sane that i should hate italo calvino but i happen to quite adore it ] and i was beginning to feel anxious. Bet hey, i was so tired. Anyway, my body seems to know in advance what my mind doesn't want to assume. school has begun. at a quarter past 5, when my dad woke up, i woke up, too. I wasn't sleeping well any longer. At 5 my sleep always becomes tormented, if not at 4, fearing that i won't wake up and miss the buss. when i suddenly became concious, i realised it was pouring outside. Pouring is not even the exact word. There was such a noise it sounded like an amplified bowling match. hell- i thought-i seriously hope it stops in one hour because i have no rain shoes. This happens to be riddicolous. I have an awful amount of shoes but every year i complain i have no shoes for the rainy days. That's because i never buy them. i begin a struggle with my blankets and pillow. I keep on waking and then falling asleep again and when i finally wake at 6 my bed seems like a battle field. I remember feeling angry but can't recall the reason. I woke up, got dressed, and went straight to the bathroom, where as per usual my make up was the longest task in the morning. Looking like a zombie is not my highest aspiration and that's why i re-paint my face like a masterpiece every single morning. By 6.30 i was ready for my usual breakfast-on-the-go that means a dietetic bar and a yoghurt whike walking to the bus stop. My mom, though, since it was raining cats and dogs, was clement and sympathetic and brought me there by car. it's always been sunny and bright on my first school day. Always. AND HOT. Now i'm freezing and shivering and it's pourng and i don't feel any excitement at all. If anything, i'm pissed. Pissed by this whole thing. But when i see my old friends of everyday, that i hadn't seen all summer, a bit of the uneasiness fades and somehow, i start to feel a spark of excitement. I've just told my mum that i will channel this whole bad energy into the usual tricks that the older students ( that means 4th and 5th year and i am 4th now! ) play on the first year ones on the bus, when i discover that we're just seven on our coach and there are no first year students!! hell, these bastards want to avoid tricks. That's not fair. This means that as soon as they happen under our hands, they will suffer the pain of hell. Every one of us has endured this kind of tricks on their first school days. With a difference, that older students used to be far more cruel and merciless than we are now. I still remember the fear of the trick, the anxiety wondering what will be mine? the are thousands. Measuring the perimeter of the bus with a one cent coin. Being written with pens. Singing silly songs. And these are just the nicer ones. But no one of us ever dared complain or tried to avoid them. They're a normal rite of passage and after some years, we all remember it with an affectionate smile.

As we approach Pavia i grow more and more anxious. By the time i'm in front of the school entrance, i'm tense like a violin chord. It's a mixture of fears. There're people i've been avoiding since july, i'm afraid of embarassing encounters. And there are people i just don't feel a urge to see. There's the certainty that once in, freedom will be gone and sanity too. But i still walk, crawl up three storeys of stairs until i reach my class. No embarassing encounters so far. Yay. I come in, there's no warm welcoming. Maybe we're just too tired. It's my desk mate birthday today, i greet her, we're in the third row ( out of four ). That makes me happy since i've spent the last year in the first row, central, right in front of the teacher's desk, and hated every second of it.

I go out. It's strange. People are missing. One person is missing and that makes me happy, but i have to admit it feels strange. I expect he will walk out his class at any moment, making me feel shit, but i know he won't. The bell rings far too soon, and i go inside. We have a new classmate. I pray and hope and pray and pray let him be gorgeous oh please but he's not. He sucks. What's the point in having a new classmate if he isn't even handsome? The three hours of lesson never pass. We have started the literature programme already. after three months of holiday i remember virtually nothing. My classmates make me laugh, though, and this makes it a whole lot more standable.

I'm tired. I'm dead tired. I've already drank a litre of milk trying to recovered. It's like i've been going to school for months.

I promise i'll post more serious stuff as soon as possible, guys.